Touch Me, Don't Touch Me
by Suffering Angel
Summary: We all know Kouji doesn't like to be touched... but why? After a little run in with a certain goggle boy, Takuya wants to know too...


I don't own Digimon Frontier

a/n: damn, writing Kouji angst comes too naturally o.o;

**_Touch Me, Don't Touch Me_**

The sun had set hours ago, yet the small group of six children and three Digimon had only recently settled down to rest. All were exhausted, yet none were quite willing to sleep. One never knew when one was to be attacked.

The silence made the air so tense it was turning solid on them. But no matter how much they tried, the silence wasn't broken. Tomoki was too tired to talk. Junpei was scolded by Izumi, whether he tried to speak, and as for the blonde, she and Takuya both were watching the twins as they sat a bit away from the small group. They were silent as well, though their eyes clearly showed their hearts were in turmoil.

"Why do you think they're so silent?"

Takuya asked, his voice finally heeding his commands and coming out soft enough as to not reach the boys in question.

"I… I really don't know."

Came the girl's reply.

"Well, you can't really expect them to just chatter away 12 years… especially after what they've been through thanks to Cherubimon."

Junpei suggested, this time not being stopped by Izumi.

"I suppose you're right…"

"Then let's help them!"

Saying so, Takuya stood up and headed towards the two lone wolves.

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"Same here."

Tomoki fell asleep.

The twins kept sending glances each other's way. Whenever their looks met, they turned away with slight blushes, letting out stressed chuckles. The same happened when they would try to speak; They would always start together, resulting in neither of them saying a word. They were about to repeat the scenario when Takuya showed up. 

"Heeeee~lo!"

Both jumped, blushing for no apparent reason.

"Oh. Hi."

Kouichi managed with a small smile. Kouji turned to look away.

"What do you want, Takuya?"

The goggle boy's brow twitched and he crossed his arms, towering over the sitting boy.

"Well, excuse me for being mister nice guy. Here I am, trying to help you, and here you are, being mean. Fine, I'll just leave you two to your gloomy silence."

"Thank you."

Glaring down at Kouji, Takuya gritted his teeth.

"What's your problem?"

"At the moment, you."

Kouichi tried to calm both boys down, but neither paid him much attention.

"I'm so sick and tired of your attitude! I thought we made progress here, but now here you are, acting like a total ass!"

Takuya tried to grab Kouji's shoulder, but the other boy pushed his violently.

"Don't touch me!"

Losing his balance, the tanned boy fell forward, catching Kouji by surprise.

"Whoa!"

Kouichi could only watch as Takuya fell to his brother's lap, and his brother went as pale as a ghost.

"Sorry…"

Trying to get up, Takuya tried to push himself from the ground, one of the support points for his arms being between Kouji's legs. He looked up with a sheepish smile, only to meet a terrified expression on the pale boy's face.

"Get away from me!"

Takuya was kicked back, one of Kouji's legs connecting with his face hard. He flew backwards as Kouji ran off.

"Hey! Kouji!"

Kouichi called after him, but still had too little courage to actually follow his twin. He therefore looked at Takuya, now sitting and rubbing his aching face.

"That guy… what is he thinking?!"

"Takuya… go after him."

It was no more than a whisper, yet Takuya still managed to stop ranting and look at the older brother.

"I… I still can't. Please, for after him."

The pleading, hurting look on Kouichi's face was all that was needed to make Takuya forget his momentary grudge against the younger twin.

"…Ah."

He stood up slowly and walked off after the other boy, not glancing back. Kouichi resumed sitting alone in the darkness, not quite yet ready to face the light.

"Damn that guy… where did he go?"

Takuya ranted, heading after Kouji.

"Hoy, Kouji! Koooooooooooujiiiiiiiii!"

He stopped to sigh in defeat when his target found him.

"Must you always be so loud?"

He found the boy leaning against a rock, staring at nothing.

"Sorry about earlier."

"It's ok."

He was about to sit next to him, but upon seeing Kouji's growing distress, Takuya stopped to sit a bit far off from his friend.

"I'm… sorry too."

Takuya was surprised, to say the least. Kouji smiled sheepishly, lightly blushing.

"For kicking you."

"Ah. He he, I suffered worse."

The silence that followed always drove Takuya insane. The same silence that was between the two twins earlier, the one he tried to break, now settled between him and the bluette.

"So… mind telling me what made you flip? Not the first time we went at it."

Kouji not only refused to make eye contact, he full out turned his back to the tanned boy.

"…Fine. Have it your way then."

He wasn't going to leave, though. Kouichi's sad face kept haunting him.

"Look, if you don't want to talk to me, it's fine. But Kouichi's really worried, and…"

"It… I…"

Seeing as he was getting through, Takuya sat silently and waited.

"You know I lost… _thought_ I lost my mother. Dad was always moving, due to his job, so making friends wasn't that easy for me."

That didn't come as a surprise, though it did fill in some of the gaps about the boy's past for Takuya.

"when I… when I was about 5… my dad sent me to a therapist."

With each word, he heard Kouji's voice crackle just a bit more. He made a move closer, not too close, though.

"The first meeting was awful. He kept asking me about stuff, tried to talk to me… I didn't think I needed it. Or him. I was alone, and I was fine like that. No quarter asked, no quarter give, you know? I don't let anyone get too close and get my hopes up, I don't get hurt and disappointed…. So later…"

He stopped again, and Takuya suspected he was beating around the bush.

"My dad still sent me to him… said that I should let him help me. I… I actually opened up… it was… weird… telling a stranger about what I felt."

"Like now?"

He heard the other boy chuckle. Success.

"Yeah… like now."

"Go on."

"You sure you want to hear this?"

"If it'll help a friend?"

He knew in his heart Kouji was smiling, even though he couldn't see it. After a sigh, the boy continued.

"He tried to understand the reasons why I kept everyone at bay. So we talked a lot about my mother. What I think I'm missing, what I think a mom's like, what a mom would mean to me…"

Takuya knew he shouldn't push it, but he also knew he had to help his friend just a little bit.

"And…? What did you answer?"

"What would you answer?"

Kouji asked back, looking over his shoulder. After a moment's thought, he answered.

"A mom's someone to be there for me, to help me, be it with a kind word or a harsh scold. She's the person to put me on the right way, always with a smile."

Looking back from his small daydream, Takuya noticed Kouji was staring at him with warm, sad eyes.

"He he, was that… a bad answer?"

"I don't think there is a right one, actually."

Now, the goggle boy chose to remain silent. It paid off when Kouji continued soon after.

"I told him that a mother for me, would be her touch."

Something that by the time Kouji had access to, he turned it down.

"Always tender, always gentle, always caring…"

Even when she slaps you, Takuya thought.

"He said that… if that's what I'm missing, then…"

Takuya's eyes widened when a thought hit him. He didn't…

"He asked me if I thought I was a good boy. I told him that I was, because… I… I wanted mom to be proud of me. So he told me that a good boy… should get rewarded."

He hugged himself, seemingly disgusted by his own touch.

"He'd hug me all the time. And pet me. And tell me what a good boy I was… He said I was cute, and that people'd love me if I kept being a good boy… Then, one day, he…"

Before Kouji buried his face in his arms, rested on his knees, Takuya was sure he saw Kouji blush. Flush, in fact.

"… He tried to… touch me… down there."

There wasn't a need for him to say anything more. Takuya understood what he meant, and therefore understood that the best was to keep his mouth shut.

"What was I to do? I mean, I was 5, I wasn't that happy there, and I knew that it was wrong. I kicked, and screamed, and bit…"

He licked his dry lips, shaking.

"…he slapped me across the room. Said I was deliberately pushing people away. That it was all my fault. That I hurt him. That I hurt my mother because I was a bad boy. And that's why mom's gone."

Takuya wasn't believing what he was hearing. He couldn't imagine something like that could happen, to him it was all something the paper made up to make things interesting… he never thought he'd hear it said in person… and in such a monotone voice, like it truly happened to someone else, and all Kouji was doing was passing it on.

"I… it didn't bother me much what he did, or at least I thought it didn't. I guess I was too young to care, not really knowing what it meant… and now, I don't see the point. But…"

He looked back at Takuya, his blue eyes filled with too many emotions to be read properly.

"I don't want people to get hurt if they get near me… I don't want my mom to think I'm bad…"

He sounded like a 5 year old, and at the first sign of tears, Takuya hugged Kouji, rubbing his back reassuringly. He was only half surprised when Kouji clung to him.

"I… I'm not a… a bad boy, am I, Takuya?"

He'd have chuckled, had it not been for the seriousness in the other boy's voice.

"Kouji, you're one of my best friends. I've been with you through incredible things, and you've never been a… 'bad boy'. You've helped us out so much, and you've saved us… in fact, I don't think I know many people as good as you are, Minamoto Kouji. Don't let that bastard play with your head like this."

They pulled away, and Takuya noticed Kouji was back to his usual self… more or less, tear stained cheeks giving him away. And with that, Takuya knew he didn't save his friend… but helping him was just as good.

"Can I ask you not to tell Kouichi about it?"

He blinked.

"Huh? But…"

"I… I don't know what he'll think of me if he knew… I don't care much about it, but… he might. If he looks at me with cold eyes, Takuya, I… I'll die."

Shaking his head, he lightly punched Kouji on the shoulder, just to make his point.

"Baka. Your brother cares about you too much to do that. Just give him, and yourself, some time, is all."

Both boys smiled as they stood up, and Takuya noticed the slight blush that was still on his friend's cheeks.

"Don't worry, I won't say a word. I'm sure you will when you're ready."

The boy cast his eyes downward.

"I wonder when that'll be."

He got a shrug in return.

"Who knows? It can be tomorrow. It can be you and him meeting up in heaven and then you'll tell him. Or it can be either yesterday or never. It's all up to you, Kouji."

"Takuya?"

"Hm?"

"… Thank you."

They both felt better upon the familiar grin.

"Anytime."

Kouji looked at his brother from afar, spotting Takuya joining the others from the corner of his eye. Kouichi still sat alone, as though waiting for him. He half hugged himself again, this time not finding the act so hostile and repealing. His brother noticed him and looked back, his expression asking forgiveness for not going after him like Takuya.

"Where were you?"

His feet carrying him without knowing where, he half ran towards his brother.

"I was really… worried… Kouji…"

Before either knew what was going on, they were hugging each other.

"Oniisan… tell me… tell me about Okaachan."

Glancing at Takuya, he received a reassuring smile.

"Ok… Where do I start… he…"

Sitting there and listening to his long lost older brother, he felt more and more relieved, and the occasional touches between their hands, resting between them, were passed off as lost fragments of a past he should've had, and with each time his mother was mentioned, closing his eyes, he could fell her hugging him, whispering soft words in his ear.

He may never again share what he had that day to the stranger he just met… 

"Oniisan…"

"What is it, Otouto?"

But he knew it didn't matter.

"Nothing. Go on."

He could keep it to himself. It was ok. He could go on forever not saying a word… as long as he'd let people touch his heart.

And the two twins continued to talk for quite a while after the others went to sleep, their laughter echoing around them like that of a couple of five year olds. 


End file.
